Friday, January 16, 2009

Spread You're Precious Wings and Fly.....

As we near the two year anniversary of the day we nearly lost Chicken Little, I have been trying to reflect on the positive things that came from that experience. But first let me back up a second.

When Chicken Little was born, we had no idea of the many issues that he would have. I mean, deep down I knew something was amiss, but you try to talk yourself out of it by telling yourself that it's just pregnancy jitters. Really, who goes into a pregnancy thinking, "Yay!! This is my chance to have a baby with severe health problems!!"

~Anyone? I didn't think so.

Because Chicken Little was so small, (4 lbs 14 oz) they took him down to the nursery right away. Big Bird took some photo's but was tired and decided to head home for the night, so I didn't get to see them. During the time that he was gone, Chicken Little went downhill pretty quickly, and they moved him from the well baby nursery to the NICU.

When Big Bird came back the next morning, I still hadn't seen Rhett since he had fallen out into the nurses hands, and my OB had gone down to the ER to have a heart attack~

True story.

When Big Bird came into the room that morning, and we were going through the pictures on the camera we noticed that in one of them Chicken Little was signing I Love You. As I look back, I often wonder if God and Chicken Little were in on this together. You know, letting us know that although we had the bumpiest of roads ahead of us, that we would prevail as long as we have faith and love.

I belive in little signs from God like that.

How can you not look at this tiny hand~

A hand no bigger than quarter signing I Love You, and not feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

That's what I thought.

I look at how far we have come from the NICU days. I read so many blogs of parents who are being thrown into a world that no parent should ever have to be apart of.

This is a world filled with beeps and alarms. Doctors who talk to us using medical jargon that our tired brains can't understand.

It's a world of ventilators, oxygen, bilirubin lights, monitors, isolettes, warmers, wires coming off of nearly every inch of your baby's body, lines going into the belly button where the umbilical cord used to be, you get the picture.

You run on sheer panic for the first few days. Your body has an adrenaline rush of fear. Fear for your baby, fear of the unknown, fear for your spouse, and fear for your other children.

Your life will never be the same again.

You walk around a large room filled with critically ill babies, babies who are fighting with every ounce of fight they have just to be able to go home and be in the arms of their mommies and daddies. It makes you forget that there are people out there who do give birth to healthy babies.

My heart breaks for these moms and dads who are going through this right now, for all the moms and dads who have done it in the past, for those that are going to do it in the future. My heart breaks for the families that don't get to bring their little ones home, or for those that have to sit and watch their child go through an illness, knowing that there is no hope.

I remember when Chicken Little coded nearly 2 years ago, the feelings of panic and fear were so overwhelming I couldn't breathe.

While there will never be words to describe how it felt to sit there and watch them try to bring him back, I can tell you that my heart soars every time I see his beautiful baby blue eyes in the morning as he stands at my bed on his tippy toes and says "Moooommmm!" It soars when I hear his little bare feet slap across the tile when Big Bird gets home from work each night.

Chicken Little has spread his wings as high as he can and overcome nearly every obstacle thrown at him. No matter how many times he falls from the nest, he opens up those precious wings and he flies. It may take him a while, but he does it, and he does it without looking back.

If only I could be like him.

Chicken Little and the rest of the Bird's are the inspiration behind my new photography business. Each one of these beautiful children have taught me in one way or another that it's okay to spread those wings and fly.

I came up with the name Silent Wings Photography, when Chicken Little was born we didn't know if he would be able to communicate with us. I was worried that he would never talk. Then I realized that he didn't have to talk to be able to communicate, so we started sign language with him. So although Chicken Little is anything but silent, that was my biggest fear, and we overcame it.

The second part of the name, Wings, has to do with all of our kids. Each one of them in their own special way, has taught me more than I could have ever learned from any text book or teacher. They have taught me to live, and to love. My life would not be complete if I didn't have 4 amazing children, and an amazing husband by my side to help me.

In the next few days I will have a blog link for all of you to look through my work.

Until then, here are a few of the photos that I have done in the past......


Niksmom said...

Pam, this is beautiful. Made me tear up remembering our days in the NICU, too.

You have a really great eye for interesting composition. I hope your business SOARS! If we lived closer, I'd totally hire you to do portraits of Nik; I have none other than what I've taken with my crappy little camera.

I think what strikes me is taht you seem to see toeh heart of the subject rather than just the physical appearance. That's a gift. :-)

Jake & Stephanie Ellinger said...

You should send me an email and I would totally pay you to take pictures of my kids! What a talent you have!

Teddybear said...

Hi Bird Flock I am so far behind in reading and commenting. I have been down due to a surgery myself - so I'm catching up. Yes I have read all the enteries since the 11th.

Your pictures are awesome - I will pray the business will take off soon. Rhett's tooth ouch I feel his pain I am also having surgery on the 11th so I will keep Rhett in my prayers that his surgery goes well.

The uppies are so cute - I probably would have climbed in there as well.

Oh how the boys grow up so fast - they are very handsome boys yes the girls have a problem.

My continued prayers for your move - the pet store - photo business - and the health of your family, love Deb.

AZ Chapman said...

love the photos pam. U are a great photoagrpher. chicken little is so brave, i am glad y still have him

AZ Chapman said...

love the photos pam. U are a great photoagrpher. chicken little is so brave, i am glad y still have him

Tiff said...

What a great post! I too had a little boy with health problems. He coded once and it just ripped my heart in two. Those days are over now and My little Monkey is almost 4 and doing great! God was in control.

mom26kids said...

love the pictures.

Shari said...

Pam: This really touched my heart to tears. Rhett is a miracle baby and he reminds me each day not to take anything for granted. The way you write is so beautiful and at times comical, too. I am so excited about your photography business. Oh, how I wish I was closer so you could take my kids' pics. I am overflowing with the fact that I got to your blog and have the privilege of reading it. Thank you!

Heather said...

Beautiful post Pam.And gorgeous pictures.I so love Chicken Little.I remember the first time I found him.I thought oh,look at this little guy.Hit so hard as well.So fragile.But look at him.He is thriving and growing and yes,there are still bumps along the way but he is a fighter and more importantly he is a survivor.Thank you for sharing him with us all.

tara @ kidz said...

I'm speechless. The photos are amazing. The story incredible. Thank you for being you.

I don't know if you do awards on your blog, but I've give you one. Enjoy!

Anonymous said...

You take some really awesome photos

Becca said...

Your photos are absolutely beautiful, Pam. Wonderful business, and I wish you much success.
And thanks for the cry...

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