Do you remember the days when I wouldn't miss a day of blogging unless something was seriously wrong?
Yah, well, that's not the case so much anymore.
My heart just hasn't been into blogging, and I'm not sure why.
I think about a ton of things that are blog worthy in my daily life, funny things the kids say or do, stressful thing that are happening to us, milestones that the kids have hit, stupid things with Andy's job that are making me insane.
All sorts of stuff.
But when I think about sitting down on the computer and actually typing it out, I just dread it.
Blogging for me has been a sort of a release. Something to clear my muddled mind when I can't think straight.
There have been many times when I have had some tough decisions to make regarding Rhett's care, and once I lay it all out on the blog, I have been able to go back and read through it, and the answer is right there staring me in the face.
Blogging has been good.
Which is why I can't figure out why I have no desire to do it much these days.
Maybe it's just a phase, maybe it's something that I am just done with for a while....however I am leaning more towards the phase thing.
It's not really that our lives are any less stressful, I mean, things are super stressful right now. It's just that I haven't felt like sharing all of our financial issues.
I know it's weird, since I have always been brutally honest on my blog.
It's just that I don't want to sound like we are the only people in the world who have the only child with special needs, and who have lost everything they own, because we're not. There are many out there who are struggling.
Ours is just an on going battle that sometimes I wonder if there will ever be relief in sight.
Now don't get me wrong, I am not worried about not being able to handle Rhett's health issues. I know that will always be a part of our lives, and I am prepared to deal with that. But the financial stuff is bound to end, right? Please tell me it will end.
I don't want to be rich. I don't care about toys and vacations and all of those silly things.
I just want to be able to pay rent and utilities and put food on the table for our kids.
Is that too much to ask? Is that too much to get down on my knees and beg for at night?
A steady income, and a little nest egg for emergencies. That's all.
I am trying super hard not to be bitter and angry at God. But I really need this prayer answered.
I can't handle it anymore.
Andy can't handle it anymore.
It's just gone on for so long and we have tried so hard.
We are both just tired and worn out.
I almost want to end this post saying at least things can't get worse, but I think I've learned my lesson in never saying that.
So pretend you never heard that okay?
3 days ago