Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Upside Down and All Around...

The last few weeks have been full.

Full of happiness, full of tears, full of grief, full of worry, full of pride, full of joy.

I have found myself some days wondering which way is up and which way is down. The days are flying by and the moments of our lives are passing too quickly.

Chloee has been filled with alot of questions about Grandma Hjorth, and how we know that she is in heaven. Sometimes I find it hard to explain. She asked me what Faith is. I told her that its when we can't see something but we know it is there.

As usual her words of wisdom caught me off guard. "Oh, so like when Rhett was in the hospital and we thought he might die, but we knew that he would be okay."

She has endured more than any other 7 yr old should ever have to endure. She is very wise, and sometimes I think she understands more than I will ever know.

I have debated on posting this photo, as a funeral is a very private affair, however this is a happy and peaceful picture to me, as Chloee said her last good-bye to her Grandma. After she was done, she looked at me and said, "Mommy she's happy. She's okay."

My Chloee and my Grandma had such a special bond. I'm glad that Chloee is at peace with everything.

The days leading up to my Grandma's death were very hard. I keep thinking back to the conversation that we had. For many days before she passed she was in and out of it so much. Mostly out of it. She was very ill and really didn't know who was coming or going.

However the Thursday that I went in she was very well coherent, and even sat up and put her glasses on. Our conversation was one of the most amazing and yet private conversations that I had ever had with her. Of course I won't tell all of the details here as they are so very special to me and not meant to be shared.

But she was able to tell me how proud she was of me. How I was an example to her, and how after seeing me with my children she wished she would have done more for her children as they were growing up.

What an honor for her to day that. I have always looked up to my grandma, and have held her on a pedestal. They way she kept her house so clean, the way she has always been there for my mom when there was no one else. My grandma played a huge part in the person I am today. It feels good knowing that she is in a better place, and she won't have to worry about anyone catching her in her "bed clothes" again. She was so funny that way. Oh how I love her and miss her.

Even though I have been coming to terms with our loss, there have been enjoying some fun times as a family.

I have come to realize that Hunter is a teenager now. Even if he is only 10. He is growing like a weed and I can't keep him in his clothes or shoes for that matter. He is eating us out of house and home, and has that wonderful mouthy attitude that only a teenager can have, and that only a mother can love.

He has lost his little boy look, and is growing so fast. I find that sometimes my heart aches for the cuddles and hugs that we used to share. He has always been such an amazing kid.

Dakota is still doing well for the most part. He is having some issues with learning how to tell if something has been done to him intentionally or on accident especially during PE at school. He sees things so different than most and we are working with him to help him function better.

I can't imagine what it is like living in his world. If only I could make things better.

He's still a turkey and doesn't like his picture taken. I have to really sneak up on him, and 90% of the time I don't get his face. He is growing up as well, and is nearly 14. Oh my how time flies.

We were able to spend Easter over at my Mother In Laws house. She has been such a huge blessing to our family. I think she has done Easter for our kids every year since Rhett has been born. Last year she was able to throw it all together on a moments notice as Rhett and I found ourselves admitted to the hospital for the umpteenth time that year.

This year was different though. This year he got to go on the Easter Egg Hunt, and he got to find his own eggs.

He was excited when he found a bag of Malted Milk Balls. He loves these things.

He was also excited to see his Easter Basket and all of the goodies in it. Of course the favorite was his bubbles. The boy loves bubbles.

Chloee was very protective of her eggs and this is the look she wore most of the time. She has learned how to defend herself in a house full of brothers quite well.

After eating brunch we all walked down to the school and the boys, which included Andy, Hunter, Grandpa, Uncle Mychal, and Grumpy, played basket ball for a while.

I ended up cutting out early and taking Rhett home. He had jumped into a few muddy puddles and I thought he was just wet and cold.

Heh. Wishful thinking.

His crabbiness lasted throughout the day and by that night he had a fever and some pretty nasty poop going on. As the days have gone on he has gotten progressively worse, with today being a nightmare for all of us.

He has been crying alot and doubling over in pain saying "Mommy help me!!"

I am not sure what is going on, other than he has some nasty bug that is just really hanging on to him like crazy. He's having trouble sleeping and we have gone through more diapers than I can count. His bum is one big fat open sore, even though I change him as soon as he poops and have been putting a barrier cream on it with each diaper change.

Of course Murphy's law at the Bird house is that he will get sick during the month that we don't have insurance.

Oh how I long for the day when our income doesn't matter and he is insured no matter what. It's such a roller coaster with all of these insurance issues.

We'll get through it. We always do, and somehow or another we end up on our feet.

We do have two new family members though.

Meet Roxy:

And Mitzy:

Long story that I will share another day. Just know that these two puppies are exactly what Rhett has needed and his head banging has nearly come to a stop again, and he is sleeping through the night. We are working on getting Roxy certified to be his service dog as she has helped him so much. Most service dogs are big dogs, but never underestimate the power of love in a tiny little body.


Ann said...

Those puppies are so adorable. What cute little faces. Love the pictures of your family on Easter. We didn't dye eggs this year, I was just too busy with school to accomplish something like that!

Tami Acord-Nelson said...

Soo cute easter pics and puppy pics! I am sorry for your loss. I have a story to tell you that I havent blogged yet. My 5 yr old was playing with his baby brother and they were passing the play phone around and we were talking to Grandma, Dad, aunts, friends etc and then all of the sudden my 5 year old says...."Hi Grandma Ella, How is Heaven?" I choked on the jelly bean I was eating. It was so innocent and cute. Our kids add great perspective to things....don't they?
Much Love,

Niksmom said...

"... never underestimate the power of love in a tiny little body." Truer words about more than just dogs, ya know? :-)

Hope things are smoothing out & Rhett is on the mend. I don't write much lately but I think of you all often. xo

A Family Completed... said...

That is a beautiful photo of your daughter saying goodbye to grandma.
The boy look adorable and Those puppies are to die for cute!

ShaRhonda said...

Great pics! Hope Rhett gets to feeling better, and hope you don't catch it!

MJMILLS said...

The pic with your daughter and grandma is so beautiful. Indescribeable really. As far as Rhett's diaper rash, try Calmoseptine. You can get it at any pharmacy. It doesn't require an scrip, you just have to purchase it at the pharm window. It works wonders!!! you;ll see a difference in hours.

R said...
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