Monday, April 6, 2009

Saying Good Bye, a Birthday, and No Insurance....AGAIN.

Have I ever mentioned how bad I hate Mondays?

Cause I do.

Especially this week.

Today we lost my grandma. I'll be honest. It hurts. Alot.

My grandma was there for me when my mom had to be at work to provide for us kids. She would pick me up everyday after school all through elementray and and middle school.

We would sneak to Mcdonalds without my grandpa knowing and she would get a Hamburger, no pickles, and I would get a Happy Meal. Everytime on the way home she would say, "Now Remember, Grandpa doesn't need to know about this."

I would just giggle and zip my lips and throw away the key.

The last three years I haven't been able to be there for her as much as I wanted to. I know she has been going downhill, but let's face it, when you pretty much live at Primary Children's Hospital for those three years you kind of loose touch with alot of your family members.

My life the last three years has been centered on keeping Rhett with us.

Of course we would always pick up the phone and call each other. We'd laugh about how much Andy and my Grandpa were alike, and how they drove us crazy sometimes, but we just can't help but love them.

My grandma played a big part in who I am today.

This is the last time my family was able to be with her together.

Thanksgiving Day 2008

It's been a rough day. Every once in a while a memory will come on strong, and it hurts to breathe.

I know she is in a better place. She's had a beautiful reunion with my grandpa, and my uncle, as well as her twin sister who she loved so much.

Still doesn't mean that I don't hurt knowing that I can no longer touch her sweet fragile skin, nor smell her smell. Things that I never want to forget.

What an amazing woman she was, and how much she will be missed.


Tomorrow is Chloee's Birthday. She is going to be 7.

Yeah, I know she is growing up so fast. My only little girl.

The one who holds me when I cry in a house full of testosterone. The one who shares my love of shoes, my love of shopping, and my love of all things pink.

We wanted to do something special for her for her birthday, and had planned on getting her tickets to Taylor Swift.

The girl eats sleeps and breathes Taylor. She knows every word to every song Taylor has ever sang.

I thought it would be a great way to spend some one on one time with my little girl who has fought some of her own battles, and been put through so much with her little brother.

However, we found out today that Rhett lost his insurance again, and whaddya know, we have to use the money for medical supplies for this month.

Don't get me wrong. I am so thankful that we have the money to spend for Rhett's supplies. It could be so much worse. It has been so much worse.

I think I'm more dissapointed than Chloee will be about the whole concert thing. She will be happy with just a birthday cake and knowing that she gets to spend the day with us.

I'll decorate the house for her and make a special dinner. Andy has the day off, so knowing that her Daddy will be here will be exactly what she wants.

Remember? This is the little girl who told Santa that all she wanted for Christmas was for her family to have the best Christmas ever.

She gets what life is about. More than most kids her age.

She is so beautiful, and I am so happy I have such an amazing little girl.


So the whole no insurance thing.

It should be just temporary. Andy just made a little too much, so we didn't qualify.

We are on the waiting list for DSPD, which once Rhett gets on that, the insurance will go by the fact that he has a disability, not by our income.

That day can't come soon enough I tell ya.

If it's one thing I have learned, it's been that things always work out in the end.

No matter how much we worry and how much we stress, it isn't going to change how things are.


Andy and I also celebrated our 11 yr anniversary yesterday. We stayed home and were sick together.

We are Par-tay animals I tell ya.

Either that or we have just come to realize that no matter what you do to celebrate, as long as you are together, that is truly all that matters.


Ally in Wonderland said...

Wow, that's a lot of emotion in one post! I hope everything goes perfectly for Chloee on her special day tomorrow! She looks über cute in that photo!

MJMILLS said...

That last sentence really hits home with me! I had tweeted to you too about this, but your gma and my grandpa both went to Heaven today! I share your sadness!

Niksmom said...

Oh, Pammy, this breaks my heart. I know you knew your grandma's time was near but the loss...oh, I can still feel the ache in my heart for my Nana and it's been years and years. HUGS.

If I had the money, I'd buy that beautiful girl of yours front row tix to Taylor Swift in a heartbeat. I hope she gets a shot at something really special and just-for-her in the very near future. She sure deserves it.

Happy anniversary to one sick couple; I mean that in the nicest way! :-)

girlonwheels said...

Praying for your family.

Kristen said...

First, my condolences on the loss of your grandmother. Sounds like she was one sweet lady!

Second, I HATE, HATE, HATE that our kids have to be subject to lost coverage because we are trying to provide for those said children. We walk a very tight rope with SSI and income. We are also on a waiver waiting list...over 4 years now and counting.

Colleen said...

I'm sorry to hear of your grandma's passing. You and your family are in my prayers!

Does Chloee like to wear jewelry? I'd be willing to make her something in her favorite colors if she does. I know, not the same as Taylor Swift tickets, but I just thought I'd offer! You can email me at if you are interested. :)

Nic and Ashley Haws said...

I'm sorry... so much going on at once.

In terms of DSPD... make sure you are BRUTALLY honest with them. When they call and ask how you're doing, don't be afraid to TELL THEM THE TRUTH. You need help. You need it now. Don't beat around the bush with them because they don't pick up on hints. They take everything litterally (they're trained to do it). So, if you say you're doing good... then, you're doing good enough without DSPD. Yeah, kinda dumb. I agree. Just be honest with them when you talk with them. :)

Amy said...

You've had a rough day. I'm sorry and hope today is better,

3saints said...

I am so sorry for the loss of your grandmother, I am also close to mine and she has been sick for a while...I also havn't been able to spend so much time with mine due to my son being sick for so long.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO CHLOEE....I have been following your family for a while, if you feel comfortable email me your address, it will be late but I would love to send her a little something! I also have a 7 year old girl, so I know first hand how hard it can be for them to have a sick little brother.
As for the insurance issue...we maxed out my husbands private health care and have since been on the stinks. But I have to keep reminding myself to be grateful for it!

Anonymous said...

Happy Anniversary to you and Andy, and Happy Birthday to your little Chloee!! I hope she has a wonderful day!!


Julie said...

I'm so sorry about your Grandma. I lost mine in July '05 and I still miss her. She never got to hold my Jackson and she woulda LOVED him!

Hope Chloee has a fabulous birthday!

Tami Acord-Nelson said...

Sooo frustrating....wish I could help, if I had Taylor Swift tickets I would definitely give them up for Chloe.
Love ya!

Anonymous said...

Hope she had a great Birthday. And you can get insurance right away. Sorry to hear about your grandma.

BiLlY, sAm, AnD bOyS!!! said...

I finally found ya! I lost your blog addresses and somehow came upon this one!
Sorry to hear about you grandma!
Happy Birthday Chloe and Happy Anniversary! We are going through the whole no insurance thing too right now! Hope things get on track for you!

Silvia said...

Happy birthday to Chloee! I hope she had a great day!
I'm sorry for the loss of your grandmother.
Con cariño.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry for the loss of your Grandmother. It's never easy to lose someone that close to you.

You have beautiful children and must be just so very proud of them.

Happy anniversary and I hope you feel better soon!

Brent & Jodie said...

Pam, I am so sorry about your Grandma. Your family is always in my thoughts and prayers!!

DTanner said...

Hey, Kelli L. had this on her blog. I thought you may be interested.

Kristine said...

Just found your blog today...I really enjoyed reading through some of your posts. Your family is just beautiful!!

I'm so sorry that you lost your grandma. My thoughts are with you.

Becca said...

I've been sooooo behind on things lately. I'm so very, very sorry about your grandmother. It sounds like you had some pretty special memories with her. It's all those little things that stick in our minds forever, like not telling your grandfather about McDonalds! I love it! Happy birthday Chloee, and happy anniversary to you guys! Hugs to all...

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