I have debated over writing this post or not for a while now. I guess for fear that I will be judged, and I have had a hard enough time dealing with it as it is, so I guess I have felt like I wouldn't be able to handle the judgement that was sure to come.
So I ask those of you who read this, to not judge until you have walked in our shoes, and know what it's like to have a child with an emotional and mental disorder.
Many of you know how we have struggled with Dakota and his issues. We have been doing alot of testing, and working on getting a DX for him, since we know that there is more going on than just simple Asperger syndrome. After some extensive tests we have found that not only does he have Asperger syndrome, but he also is Bi-polar, has Klinefelter syndrome, and has issues with his central auditory processing in his brain.
It's been hard dealing with everything. I mean, just the fact that he has so many things going on, when on the outside he looks so perfect.
Dakota has always kept to himself. He doesn't like doing things together with the family, and now we know why. Because he simply can't handle it. He can't deal with the confusion of three other kids running around, being loud, and playing. He can't deal with sitting down and having a family dinner and the sound of six peoples forks scraping on plates. It literally drives him crazy.
It breaks my heart to know what he has been going through for the past 13 years. It's no wonder he couldn't stand being passed around as a baby, and would only let me or my mom or sister hold him.
I can't imagaine what life has been like for him.
So when things started going down hill at his current school, and he wasn't getting the help that he needs, he had kids sexually harrassing him, and the school chose to turn their heads, I knew that I had to do something.
I met with his therapist, and discussed something that I never thought I would be able to do, but knowing that it would be best for Dakota, decided that I had to do it.
When we lived in our previous town, the Jr. High that Dakota went to was amazing. He thrived there, and got straight A grades. They worked with him, and knew his needs. They bent over backwards to help him succeed. This should be done for any child with special needs, and you shouldn't have to fight for it to happen.
So anyways, after much debating, and talking with therapists, Dakota, Andy, my Mom, and my Sister, we decided that it would be best for Dakota to move in with my mom so that he could go to his old school. Not only that, but living with my mom helps him so that he isn't always in the chaos of a large family.
This has been the hardest thing that I have ever done. I feel like I have failed as a mom. His therapists keep commending me for doing what's best for Dakota, and not being selfish, but I still am having such a hard time with this.
He is only 10 min away from us, and he comes home on the weekends, or whenever he doesn't have school, and I love it when he is here. I miss him so much, so do the other kids and Andy.
But Dakota is happy. He is doing so well, and is thriving with my mom and my sister. He is in a house of adults, and that is who he gets along with. He is doing amazingly well in school, and he is making headway in his therapy where as before he seemed to be stuck.
We have even been able to back off on some of his medications.
I never planned for this to happen. I didn't want it to happen.
Maybe it won't be permanent, maybe it will, I don't know. We just have to take things one day at a time.
Our only other option was to send him to a group home, and I just couldn't do that to him. We are so blessed that my mom and sister were willing to take him in and work with him. Not many families have that option.
Dakota is no longer a danger to himself, or our other children. He is happy, and no matter how awful I feel inside, and how hard this is on me, the only thing that matters is that he is thriving.
Still doesn't mean that I don't miss him.
5 days ago