Saturday, January 31, 2009

Oh the Fights We've Fought......

Two years ago today, we nearly lost Chicken Little. I think it was the closest we have ever come to loosing him.

Yes, he was very sick when he had his open heart surgery at 4 months old. But I don't remember it being as this experience.

Maybe it's because we didn't plan for it to happen. I don't know. But what I do know is that I have never been down on my knees as much as when this happened. I literally had callous, and my jeans had dirty marks on the knees for days on end.

I remember sleeping in one of the sleep rooms adjacent to the PICU. Big Bird and I would head there every night around 11 pm to go to bed. I don't think we ever really slept much. Our sense of security was gone.

We were told initially that Chicken Little would be off of the ventilator within hours. They just wanted to make sure he was stable. But those hours turned into days.

I was so full of mixed feelings. It was the one time in my life that I was actually very unsure as to whether or not Chicken Little would make it out of the hospital. I had peace, but I wasn't sure what that peace was. Maybe I wasn't listening to Him enough. My thoughts were too clouded with worry. But I think Big Bird was just as unsure as I was.

I remember praying one night, on the 5th day, and after we finished our prayers I asked Big Bird if he thought Chicken Little was going to make it. He told me he didn't know, but he just prayed for one more day with him, and when he got that one more day he thanked God for giving it to him.

I was so angry at Big Bird for thinking like this. I wanted him to tell me that everything was going to be fine. I wanted reassurance. I wanted him to have an answer for me. Of course I knew deep down that there was no way either of us knew what the future would hold, and I know now that I wasn't really angry at Big Bird, just my lack of control over the situation.

Tomorrow is Super Bowl Sunday.

This is what we did 2 years ago on Super Bowl Sunday. See Big Bird's Bear jersey? You think they could have won at least for us.

As time went on Chicken Little did actually get better. He did come off of the ventilator, and although his lungs are still sick, well, we are blessed that he is still here, and we have had many happy memories with him.

Now I pray for quite days, but I know that deep down I cherish the messes, the yelling, the screaming, and the sticky hands on my walls. If I see a hand print on the mirror, or on the glass of the stove, I am not so quick to wipe it off anymore. I like to sit and look at the detail. The short little pudgy fingers, and the thumb that he always twists as he moves his hand away from something.

Before I tell the kids to settle down I listen for a second at them giggling and being a little too rowdy. Why? Because all four of them are doing it, and I remember a time when I didn't think I would ever get to hear that again.

Our lives are full, and we are so blessed.

I am sure Chicken Little is wondering why I keep scooping him up, smelling his neck, and kissing the top of his head.

No honey, mommy isn't crazy. She just loves you that much.

You made it buddy. You made it.


Ann said...

I'm so glad he is still here. I've been beyond blessed getting to know him and your family. He is one great little boy. God bless him with many many more years!

Sorry but I was on the opposite side for that Super Bowl. I hope we can still be friends ;)

My Three Sons said...

Thank God for miracles. Rhett is such an inspriation to me and the stregnth and will he has to fight and not give up. What an amazing little boy.

Two years to you seems like yesterday I'm sure but look at all he has acomplished. He is a true gift from God!!

I'm so glad that I found your blog and we have turned out to be friends. I will try to plan a trip out to Utah so you can take me to Red Robin! LOL

Carter Family said...

You guys are an amazing family. I can't imagine having gone through what you all have. Thank You so much for allowing us into your lives.

Kiss Rhett and rub his belly for us...

Niksmom said...

Oh man, this captures so many of my own feelings about life with Nik.

I'm so glad Rhett is around to make your life crazy beautiful. xo

Lacey said...

They are going to try and do it lapriscopic (I don't know how to spell it either)If it doesnt't work they will open him up. I have no idea how long he will stay in PICU. Hopefully just one night. But you never know what curveball he will throw. We would love for you to come visit.

The G Fam said...

What a big blessing. I think the way you live is beautiful! There are few thing betters then the chatter and rowdiness of our little ones. I remember that sleepless night after sleepless night with Lilly, I just was praying one night for some sleep. The thought entered my mind then that I would again have sleep,a lot sooner then we would want, but for right then, I needed to just hold Lilly and love her. I always think of the song "One More Day".

Caralee said...

Oh how I remember those long days in the PICU, almost like it was yesterday!! Each day seemed to go by so slowly! I remember watching you and your hubby when Chicken little was finally well enough for you to hold him, I was so jealous, because I wanted it to be me that was holding my baby too! I also remember super bowl Sunday and how your hubby would cheer as he watched the game in the PICU. Here we are two years later and was both still have our beautiful babies, what a miracle!

Shari said...

I look at Rhett and I think Miracle! There's no other word to describe him. He is a picture of strength and peace!

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